O ménage do génio

Conseguem imaginar Woody Allen, Penélope Cruz e Scarlett Johansson juntos na cama? Ou Allen a ensinar Javier Bardem a ser sexy? Provavelmente não, mas o génio humorístico do realizador nova-iorquino fez isso mesmo, num suposto diário de produção do recente "Vicky Cristina Barcelona". Eis algumas das mais divertidas passagens de um artigo, já com alguns meses, que pode ser lido na integra no New York Times.

APRIL 2
Offered role to Scarlett Johansson. Said before she could accept, script must be approved by her agent, then by her mother, with whom she’s close. Following that it must be approved by her agent’s mother. In middle of negotiation she changed agents - then changed mothers. She’s gifted but can be a handful.

JUNE 15
Work finally under way. Shot a torrid love scene today between Scarlett and Javier. If this were a scant few years ago, I would have played Javier’s part. When I mentioned that to Scarlett, she said, “Uh-huh,” with an enigmatic intonation.

JUNE 20
Barcelona is a marvelous city. Crowds turn out in the streets to watch us work. Mercifully they realize I’ve no time to give autographs, and so they ask only the cast members.

JULY 15
Once again I had to help Javier with the lovemaking scenes. The sequence requires him to grab Penélope Cruz, tear off her clothes and ravish her in the bedroom. Oscar winner that he is, the man still needs me to show him how to play passion. I grabbed Penélope and with one motion tore her clothes off. As fate would have it she had not yet changed into costume, so it was her own expensive dress I mutilated. Undaunted I flung her down before the fireplace and dove on top of her. Minx that she is, she rolled away a split second before I landed causing me to fracture certain key teeth on the tile floor. Fine day’s work, and I should be able to eat solids by August.

AUG. 20
Made love with Scarlett and Penélope simultaneously in an effort to keep them happy. Ménage gave me great idea for the climax of the movie. Rebecca kept pounding on the door, and I finally let her in, but those Spanish beds are too small to handle four, and when she joined, I kept getting bounced to the floor.